Pillow Talk

Think Tank.

What if for a moment you could be completely invincible. Where would you want to be in that moment?

I’d want to be with tigers so I could stroke them without being killed.

2009, where did you go?

Thinking back, 2009 made way for a lot of changes. Good or bad, I’m sure they have prepared me for 2010.

New Years Resolution?

To keep my resolutions.

My timing is off, he isn’t ready for my love.

We don’t have a choice in matters of the heart. Just gotta be brave enough to love and let yourself be loved.

Meet me halfway.

There are times where you stare at the mirror and never notice whats staring back.

Then, there are the times where you stare and you see a broken version of yourself staring back.

& just like that, you wonder how you let yourself end in such a state.

such a sad,sorry state.

I am the girl who is retarded. I don’t have those quirks that make guys fall head over heels. Instead my quirks I think are just plain strange.

If I buy a magazine or a book, no one else can read it until I’ve had the first chance to. Not even to browse.

When I eat, I don’t let people try my food until I’ve had the first bite. Also, when I’m at home, I make sure my food doesn’t touch each other.

I watch scary movies alone because I like feeling my heart race with the music because it reminds me of the thrill of love. The fear of the unknown, the build up to the climax, that sort of thing.

Weight never really bothered me & I don’t get why just because I’m the plus size girl I’m supposed to come with insecurities. & it pisses me off, because that’s just plain superficial.

I really want to stay a virgin, not because it’s what the bible says, but only because I want it to be a gift to the man I marry. Because to me, he’s going to be my everything. & because I’m hoping that I will be the last girl he sleeps with.

People always try to analyse me. The truth is, I’m almost never happy. I’m almost always never fine. In fact, I’m so broken, I don’t know where to start fixing myself. It scares me that I will never be O.K on my own. But I want to be. I want to at least try.

“& I don’t want the world to see me, because I don’t think that they’d understand. When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am”. - Iris, Goo Goo Dolls.

So now do you see me for who I really am?,

A walking contradiction, a living lie.

A part of me wanted to badly to believe in you.

& I let myself fall. I fell so hard, so fast.

I guess you could say it is my fault.

I never was good with boundaries. & as much as I’d like to say I built up walls strong enough to withstand a hurricane, you were a typhoon and you knocked them down in record time.

I’m always so afraid of letting people see who I really am. Maybe because I don’t like who I’ve become or that I am a disappointment of sorts.

You see, you were like the prism glass shining streams of rainbow hues into my life. Now I need to let go of you because you were never good for my sanity to begin with.

So I’m moving on.

Hmmm?

“Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times. Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve. And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most.

But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.”

— Unknown