I am the girl who is retarded. I don’t have those quirks that make guys fall head over heels. Instead my quirks I think are just plain strange.
If I buy a magazine or a book, no one else can read it until I’ve had the first chance to. Not even to browse.
When I eat, I don’t let people try my food until I’ve had the first bite. Also, when I’m at home, I make sure my food doesn’t touch each other.
I watch scary movies alone because I like feeling my heart race with the music because it reminds me of the thrill of love. The fear of the unknown, the build up to the climax, that sort of thing.
Weight never really bothered me & I don’t get why just because I’m the plus size girl I’m supposed to come with insecurities. & it pisses me off, because that’s just plain superficial.
I really want to stay a virgin, not because it’s what the bible says, but only because I want it to be a gift to the man I marry. Because to me, he’s going to be my everything. & because I’m hoping that I will be the last girl he sleeps with.
People always try to analyse me. The truth is, I’m almost never happy. I’m almost always never fine. In fact, I’m so broken, I don’t know where to start fixing myself. It scares me that I will never be O.K on my own. But I want to be. I want to at least try.
“& I don’t want the world to see me, because I don’t think that they’d understand. When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am”. - Iris, Goo Goo Dolls.
So now do you see me for who I really am?,
A walking contradiction, a living lie.
